Milestones

Recently I begrudgingly attended a wedding. Begrudgingly only because I am generally speaking not a wedding person. The pomp, circumstance, expense, and pageantry are for the most part wasted on me. The people I’m good with and in this case they were dear friends whose daughter was the bride. So, off I went. We arrived quite early. The weather was North Florida fall beautiful and the venue was a converted barn which was simply stunning. I had plenty of time to think and it was the right place to think.

First responders tend to become less likely to celebrate milestones as we age (been there-done that). Some grow tired. Some are disillusioned. Some do not like the attention and some, I submit are just so damaged from a career of doing what we have done that the luster of the milestones has dulled. As I sat amongst stately live oak trees (some of which had to be five hundred years old) adorned with ferns and Spanish Moss gently swaying in the fall breeze, I pondered these things. As the small crowd of well dressed people gathered in between the oaks in front of the small chapel to celebrate the milestone of this wedding I decided to see if I could clarify some reasons that milestones should be recognized and celebrated by all of us.

When we are young, milestones are celebrated frequently. This birthday and that. This graduation and that. We were dating and celebrated our “one month anniversary”. As time goes by, something happens. Maybe we over celebrated our milestones, maybe we just have more important things on our mind than a one month anniversary, but somewhere along the way most of us lose the youthful desire to raise a glass every time the wind changes direction. Maybe…we should all watch the youth more closely and revisit that loss. While I am by no means advocating dancing on tables and tying one on because your team won a playoff or something, I am suggesting that we might make a concerted effort to celebrate more like when we were younger. Recognize moments in each other’s lives that matter, lift them up and make them matter even more…even if it requires staying up past our usual bedtime. There is great value in making others feel special and greater value still in mindfully making good use of the time we have here together in some kind of joyous celebration and memory making.

Some people are uncomfortable with being the subject of celebrations. I understand that. I spent the latter part of my career trying to celebrate others and found it difficult when the tables were turned. And, of course there are the disillusioned. I would appeal to both of these groups in much the same way. Many of the milestones we celebrate in your name are not actually for you. This is especially true in the military and first responder worlds. These worlds are by design secretive, cliquish, and protective of their own. Many spouses, friends or family members who work in these professions are unable or unwilling to share what they do, where they do it or how with family and friends. Some of the reason they can’t is for security’s sake, and some is simply in an effort to avoid traumatizing those whom they love. Either way, it works out the same…a shroud of secrecy. These milestones are a chance for friends and family to come together for promotions, transfers of command, and retirement and get a glimpse into the lives of their loved ones in a way that they might not ever be able to do otherwise.

The agency that I retired from has a fantastic retirement tradition. When officers retire, they can elect to have a formal retirement ceremony followed by an informal ceremony/roast. People come together and tell stories, laugh and make mock presentations. During mine among other things one of my best friends revealed that he was responsible for a fantastic practical joke years before for which I paid someone else back! I also got a “Tactical Walker” complete with a horn and a few other items. I was uncomfortable with doing this, but decided to do so and I’ll be forever glad that I did. It allowed my family and non-first responder friends to see the law enforcement family I loved at its best, laugh heartily with that family and celebrate the retirement milestone as an extended family should. Sometimes, it’s just not about us.

Finally, in careers where we run toward the sound of gunfire, wear body armor to the office, and carry machine guns to lunch (and everywhere else), where life expectancy is shorter than the rest of the country’s population, where most of us die within five years of retirement, and where the world as a whole takes us for granted don’t you think you have earned a little celebration? Celebrate your milestones. Find some youthful energy and a friend or two and share a meal, some laughs and a beer. You have earned it. If you can’t wrap your mind around that, then do it for your family. Let them in. They have earned it.

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