Fairy Tales We Tell Ourselves

There comes a time in the lives and careers of most first responders and members of the military when they begin, slowly at first, discussing retirement. The discussions grow in duration and intensity as the predicted date approaches. The young ones ask the soon to be retired when they will be going in a thinly veiled effort to attempt to decipher organizational matrixes, promotional opportunities and in an effort to respectfully interact with the senior member. The other senior members share ideas, disdain for the organization, stories of the “good old days” and most importantly…what they intend to do in retirement.

Buried in those conversations are the fairy tales we tell ourselves and others. Fairy tales of vibrant health, single-mindedly pursuing that one thing that we love. Those on the glide path to retirement can be overheard speaking in reverent hushed tones about “golf’, “fishing” and the like. I participated in many such discussions wherein I told what I now understand are fairy tales and listened to others tell some. These are harmless daydreams often shared by members of a broad and diverse group who sorely deserve peace, adventure, and dreams realized…the warrior servants of our country.

But alas, in spite of the group richly deserving the things they seek, there are some obstacles that change the discussion from dreams hoping to be realized to the fairy tales they most often are. The most frequent obstacles to realizing the dreams discussed come in the form of financial surprises and difficulties, health and vitality, and the need for purpose. Before I discuss the topic at hand here, there are a couple of orders of business. First, I recognize that all people, especially warrior servants need to find their own way and in doing so, often resist any effort by anyone to provide guidance or insight. Understood. I was (and still am to some degree) the same way. Secondly, I am not an expert in all (or any for that matter) matters concerning retirement. What I am is a retired warrior servant who made a great many errors myself and can speak for my experiences. So, what follows are my opinions, which like anyones, should be taken seriously but with a huge grain of salt. Do your own research. Lastly, retirement is a huge life change. Expect difficulties, bumps in the road, changes, required adaptations and unlike many of the fairy tales we tell each other, stresses unique to the phase of life called retirement.

All the problems in life and especially retirement for warrior servants present unique challenges. Over the course of careers as first responders and members of the military, we are taught and train, to be prepared, and to be adaptable. The first area we should apply those same principles to in preparation for retirement is financial preparation.. Begin by living within your means. Save until you can’t stand it any longer. Teach your family to do the same and resist the temptation to keep up with the Joneses. Equally important, find a reputable financial advisor and do it soon. Even if you are smart with your investments, there are very few warrior servants who are good enough to literally place their futures and their families futures in their hands in this regard. A good financial advisor will objectively look at your whole situation, asses your goals, and help you reach them. If anyone reading this is not a senior warrior servant, the importance of being financially secure when you reach retirement age cannot be overstated. You can do it and if you start early and with the right guidance, you can do it better than you can imagine.

Since all of us adult learners like to know the “why”, let me share a few things with you all. First, healthcare. The cost of healthcare while you are working is likely ridiculous unless you are quite lucky. However, healthcare in retirement can look like a mortgage payment. I fear that when confronted by this information for the first time in the retirement office, I sounded as though I had Tourette’s . Children grow and we all go through a sweet spot where they cost less. And then they don’t. Late high school, college, trade schools, transportation needs, medical, weddings and so on cost a hell of a lot of money. Meanwhile, you still have to maintain your house, your vehicles, and yourself while trying to live the dream and “see the world”. If you are not on very solid financial ground, you may find yourself seeking another full time job with benefits as a retiree. Less than optimal for a lot of us.

I’m going to pause here for a moment to address something important. Some warrior servants want to continue to work full time in retirement. If that is your thing, then bless you! The experience, training, maturity and leadership that retired warrior servants can bring to the work force is beyond fantastic. Find the thing that makes you happy and provides for you and your family and go for it. If working full time makes you happy, then I’m happy for you! Just know that some day, even that will end for one reason or another and you should be prepared.

One of the ironies of retirement is that, in order for us to fully enjoy retirement, we should be healthy. The stresses of a career in the fields that this blog is aimed at take a tremendous toll. When I retired the statistics available to me at that time indicated that law enforcement retirees (the area I am most familiar with) still indicate that we on average don’t survive for more than five years after retirement, are 2-3 times more likely to contract cancer as the general population and have a life expectancy of 15-20 years less than the rest of the population. The life long effects of the physical loads we carry while working in those fields should never be underestimated either. This topic is, after all why I started writing this blog in the first place and I could write volumes on the topic and other have written volumes. So, here, I’ll just pause and say that if you do not take care of your mind and body in a mindful, purposeful fashion, unless you are quite lucky they will wear out prematurely. I suspect that it goes without saying that no matter how much of a hard charger you are, if the vessel and guidance system wear out prematurely, it will adversely impact your ability to enjoy retirement and all it potentially offers.

Finally, comes one of the things that I struggle most with. I loved being part of a team. I loved being part of something bigger than I was, dedicated to a common goal and populated by some of the finest human beings that I ever met. Three tours on my agency’s TAC (SWAT) team culminating with responsibility for the team made for some of the most challenging and rewarding work of my entire career. The people on the team, in the world of narcotics investigations (someplace I also loved working) and generally within policing were some of the finest our country has to offer. I miss them and team environment daily. This seems to be a common theme amongst warrior servants who led their jobs. Amongst the crowd that counted days until retirement and resented the profession, agency and so on, I suspect they never look back.

Within a few months of retirement I found myself standing in front of our washer and dryer with the household vacuum next to me separating laundry. Now, I don’t mind doing laundry, but the realization that under the watchful eye of my dogs, separating colors from whites and delegates from other stuff that this was now my life provided a stark contrast to team oriented tactical operations and evolving critical incidents in the field. So, what to do? I miss my team(s) and the people deeply. I missed being part of something bigger, but I was convinced that it was time to be retired. What helped me was a busy combination of the following:

1. Maintain contact with those who you care about and who are willing to maintain contact with you. Recognize that not being in the same orbit as you were before means some might not be able to keep up the contact. Thats okay. Do what you can.
2. Actively pursue multiple hobbies and pastimes. Try new things. Expand on the old. Some of this will be challenging and some of these pastimes will turn out not to be your passions. Don’t let that dissuade you. Try them anyhow. Frequently you’ll be surprised and they may also lead to new and gratifying social connections.
3. Find a part time job doing something you have a passion for or volunteer with an organization you believe in. Once you have the drive to work within a close knit team, it will likely never leave. Seek it out again and share the experience and expertise you have gained over your career. I have been very lucky in this regard and currently work in such a place.
4. Pay attention to your family in a way that was not possible while you were working full time. They deserve you being present. Most warrior servants by way of shift work, on call status, deployments etc. have missed birthdays, anniversaries, quiet times, bedtimes, and so on. Be there for them now.

As I close, I’ll remind the few who read this that retirement is just another chapter of life. there is no magic in leaving your career. If you aren’t happy or healthy while you are working, things don’t just change. Planning, preparation, mindfully approaching this new chapter with all the good information available is what the situation calls for. Be busy, but be busy doing what makes you happy and keeps you around for as long as possible for you, your family and your friends.

Stay safe and healthy fellow warrior servants. If you chase this next chapter with the same fervor you chased the last one, you will reap great dividends.